One midnight around last year, I was listening to a program on the radio. A lady called in. Said she fell-in love with a guy who broke her heart to unpickable pieces(her words)! left her pregnant and
It’s been six years now and she had never for once tried dating again. She confessed to having met really nice guys who do care a lot about her but a kind of fear keeps holding her down. She had either screamed a NO from the on-set or just deliberately blew-it off. Now she wants to change but can’t seem to get out of the bondage.
People who had suffered from childhood trauma, pain, loss of someone really special or had a devastating emotional breakdown are complex.
They had experienced real pain and loneliness. Rather than allowing a repetition, they build walls so thick. Walking through alone is tire-some. Some will even make-up a facade of moving on but under the booming voice, cheerful face and happiness of a sanguine, there lay the
haunted. They are so used to depending on themselves that letting another in is so difficult. They come up with worst-case scenarios all the time and mistake everything good for a sign of bad comings.
They are so used to doubt and misery leaving them with a lifetime of bitterness towards anyone who tries to get too close.
So tell me, do you find yourself in love with someone from this category and you just don’t know how to go about it? Well, this post is for you! Let me warn you o! It’s not as easy as it seems!
Identify The Problem:
Falling in love with someone who had been emotionally destabilized is like trying to put together a jigsaw with no actual picture for direction! Just a word is enough to have them running into hiding again. As the idiom goes; once bitten; twice shy. There is a need to be extra cautious of everything (actions and words) so as not to scare them away.
Before venturing into this adventure, sit and answer these questions:
- why are you doing this?
- Are you really ready for this?
- You are in love you say but sincerely, are you? Or maybe you are just in love with the idea of being love!
- Is your love unconditional enough to go through thick and thin for this person?
- Is your lifestyle emulating enough to make someone else want to live again?
- What kind of person are you? Darkness can never bring forth light. To change the world, you have to change yourself first.
- Are you willing to put aside your own troubles just to get someone else out of theirs?
- Do you have a sincere intention at heart?
If your response to these questions is affirmative, then we are making progress. If no, better make some corrections or back-off while it’s early before you cause more damage! You need to know, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY!! See it as a science project that carries 70marks of your exam. Yeah, you know the feeling!
Breaking Through The Wall:
The power of patience is invaluable! In situations like this, your patience must really be lengthy. Indescribable patience to take all the shit they have got to offer. Immeasurable Patience! Wisdom and understanding are also crucial and much-needed skills in this task of yours.
Also(most importantly), bring the person closer to God. The best way to unburden the heart of a man is to help him understand that God is in full control if only he is ready to make HIM the first. Help him learn how to love God and leave everything to him, follow his lead. No joy or peace is greater than that from God. Helping them understand that, will not only help them overcome their trials but also see the world in a new light. A positive and lovable light!
Although you will prefer to have your feelings reciprocated, you still need to give them time. Be the opposite of Achilles heel, be their strength! Give them a reason to trust and use their heart again. Don’t
rush! Hold on not too tight, loose up not to free. Let them get comfortable with your presence(at their own pace of time). Don’t go about confessing love all the time but do let your feelings known on
time too! Together, discover the true and inner beauty in them and the joy of fully living again. Pray with them. Pray for them. Anyone who kneels before God can stand before any man.
BONUS: It is your determination that will eventually open their eyes so don’t give up. Determination to make them see they are more than their current position.
As my Grandma do say, a prayer warrior can conquer all things, NEVER cease to be PRAYERFUL. Prayer is the master key!